I absolutely love going to meet my customers in person at exhibitions and craft fairs.
I love talking about my work and why I create it, and I love hearing from them how it makes them feel.
But, it is a truth universally acknowledged that, once you display your work in public, you can have no control over what people say about it … and sooner or later you will attract the attention of more than one crazypants.
This is no less true for me than for anyone else.
Here are a few of the pearls of wisdom I have heard this year
(A word to the wise….as lovers of a good story we all know that narrators are not always reliable, and I may have occasionally exaggerated my eloquence, or speechlessness, respectively ;-))
Him: “I used to hurt women in the way you’ve obviously been hurt. I’m sorry.”
Me: “It’s ok. I forgive you.”
Him: “Have you seen that new play Marat/Sade?”
Me: “Wait. What kind of hurt are we talking about here?”
Him: “You should be on X-Factor?”
Me: “What? Why?”
Him: “With your good looks, I’d vote for you.”
Me: “But you know that X-Factor is a singing competition, right? I can’t sing. I really can’t sing. In fact, I’m dreadful. That’s why I take pictures.”
Him: “That’s what miming was invented for.”
Her: “Have you ever had any of these pictures psychoanalysed?”
Me: “What do you mean?”
Her: (nervously) “Well, you know, maybe there’s something there about wanting to regress to childhood or something.”
Me: “No I don’t think so. But thank you very much for the insight.”
Him: “I think I see a spiritual element in these pictures, is that fair to say?”
Me: “Yes, I think so.”
Him: “Something maybe pagan… or wiccan?”
Me: “Well, I don’t identify myself as pagan or wiccan, but there are a lot of elements in my work that can be read that way. The natural world is really important in how I tell stories.”
Him: “I am extremely glad to hear it. Because, you know (with a faraway look in his eyes) … Jesus said, ‘I am the way, the truth and the life.” Pretty interesting, huh?
Me: “Umm…..yeah? Slightly off topic though.”
Him: “Yes, I suppose it is.”
Me: “Hello. How’s it going?”
Her (a fellow standholder): “Ugh, everyone asks that don’t they? Makes me just want to stab someone. (Gives me a murderous look, turns on her heel and flounces away)
Me: ….stunned silence
Him: “Ahh…..photography. I used to judge photography competitions.”
Me: “Did you?”
Him: “Yes. Some of these are moderately interesting. Not all of them mind you. For example, that one isn’t my cup of tea. And I don’t like that either. Nor that. …That one is okay, I suppose.”
Me: “Thanks. (a lot).”
Her: “Have you seen these pictures?”
Him: “What do you think?”
Her: “I don’t like them at all. Ugh. Creepy. What on earth are they all about? No. I definitely do not like this. I do not like it at all (Leans over a customer who is lovingly holding a print) Especially that one there. Oh god, it really freaks me out.”
Me: (under my breath) “Give me strength.”
Her: “What kind of animal is that?”
Me: “What? Where?”
Her: “In that picture. Is it a horse, or maybe a dog?”
Me: “It’s a girl … in a pink dress”
Her: “Sorry, I’m not wearing my glasses and I can’t see a thing.”
Him: (conspiratorially) “Do you ever do fine art nudes?
Me (taking a step backwards): “Of myself?”
Him: “No, using models.”
Me: (mildly relieved) “You know, I haven’t so far but I wouldn’t rule it out for the future.
Him: “Well, I’m a naturist and my girlfriend wanted to get some pictures of me. How much would you charge for that?”
Me: “Ummm…..well that’s not really what I do.”
Him: “I’m thinking of a calendar…..”
Me: “A calendar? Ummm….well….why don’t you take my business card and drop me a line with some ideas (under my breath) ….and I will never respond. Ever.”