Releasing the old and preparing for 2012
5:30am GMT tomorrow represents the Winter Solstice and the time for releasing the ties to the past that no longer serve us. I’m a terrible hoarder, not only of physical possessions, but of life experiences….both good and bad.
The day I realised that I absolutely had to leave my City job, I was on a 6am flight to Dublin. A snowstorm had meant that my flight the previous evening had been cancelled and I had to return home to get about three hours sleep, before getting up at 3:30am to catch my replacement flight. I was in the raw, stripped flesh, wandering the streets in your bare feet stage of a relationship breakup and I was exhausted. I almost felt like I was out of my body, looking down on myself in the departure lounge. I saw Steve Redgrave and wondered if I was dreaming. And on the plane, I picked up a newspaper. My hands looked enormous and I was distracted by them for a few moments before I saw an advert for a pet sitting franchise. In a moment of sheer lunacy and delusion, I decided that pet sitting was my destiny. That was what I was here to do. Sure, I’m not a big fan of dogs, especially big ones, birds terrify me and I really can’t bear rodents…but I like cats so maybe I could just be a cat sitter. In that moment, I planned out my life as crazy cat lady for the next thirty years. And then a stewardess came and spoke to me and I regained my sanity. Realising that this experience, while completely trippy and possibly indicative of some kind of breakdown, was significant I tore the article from the newspaper and put it into my bag.
Fast forward two years and I had quit my job, completed a yoga training in Bali and was preparing to start art college. My best friend, Mr B was visiting and noticed this newspaper clipping stuck to my bedroom mirror. He asked what it was all about and I told him that it was there to remind me of that day, that awful day where everything finally fell to pieces and I couldn’t hold on any more. It was to remind me of the power of letting it all go to hell. It was to remind me, in the days where it would have been easy to stay, how important it was to leave the job. And Mr B said “so you’re holding on to your moment of letting go? Your worst moment? Why?”
I couldn’t explain it. I hold on to talismans and reminders, even when they don’t help any more. This winter solstice, purely by coincidence, I’m getting rid of a big one. I didn’t even realise I still had this item and I certainly didn’t intend to release it in this way, but I take it as a good sign that 2012 is going to be a year of continued transformation for me…..and I’m ready!
If you’re in a mind to let things go, check out this great post from Danielle LaPorte aboutThe Law of the Ugly Chair….one of my favourites.
And, if you really want to know about my mad hoarding skills, check out this video from my previous blog The Drama Queen’s Guide of me saying goodbye to some of my junk…..including that newspaper clipping. Although I do have one confession…..I still have the champagne bottle, still with the streamers on it. Hey….it’s a process right? RIGHT?